A smart person will say that you can’t please everyone, and they will be right, but even in such an individual thing as sex, there are general principles that will make you a good partner for the majority (or for one person who really matters to you).
It’s not a repertoire of “do this, put your hand in there, move your hips 30 times a minute and she/he will cum” technique, and you don’t have to number your lovers in the hundreds (or even dozens) to be good in bed. Enough desire and the right attitude to the issue.
So, a good sexual partner: skillful, kind, generous .
- A skilled partner is willing to learn and try new things.
- The kind one takes care of who he sleeps with, and after sex leaves him / her in a better condition than before.
- Generous loves to give pleasure, not expecting an instant and symmetrical response.
How to be skillful
Captain Obvious recalls a fact that is surprisingly often forgotten: sex is a skill (many other things, but a skill too). No one sits down at the piano with the innate ability to play Rachmaninov’s third concerto. Or “Dog Waltz”. And the ability to play a waltz (that is, having experience in sex) does not make you a virtuoso.
A new partner is a new symphony and a new chance to learn something. The easiest way to do this is to ask questions .
Having passed the first question on the way from mutual desire to sex (the question of consent, when both say “yes, I want”), heterosexual couples systematically neglect the other. No less important.
When you go to the cinema or to a restaurant, you decide together where and which one, right? You discuss your tastes, seek contact, shuffle options. Sex should be the same. It is possible before, it is possible in the process, but this conversation must take place.
Do not rely only on experience , it is not universal in any case. Do not think that “everything is clear to everyone without talking.” This is what people who consider the script of a standard porn video to be the height of sexual prowess do. Trust me, you can do better.
But the worst thing you can do in sex is to play “color by numbers”. In other words, don’t get stuck in a sequence of actions. Even if it always works for the current partner and you don’t change the pattern on the principle of “why fix what’s not broken”, I can hardly imagine a person who will run away in horror if you offer to change this scheme. And if there are such people, you will not want to sleep with them.
If your girlfriend likes “cowgirl”, suggest “reverse cowgirl”. Your sex is always in bed – try it on the kitchen table. I can go on and on for a long time, but I think we understood each other.
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